Adult humor
Welcome To London’s Rudest, Sexual Street Names
Were these people obsessed with sex & body parts?
Welcome to London, the city where you won’t find a tour such as what you will read now! You see, London has many streets that are quite frankly rude and must’ve been named by sex addicts. Was it a dare? Who authorized these names? Were these people high? Who actually knows?
Many people hit the streets of London only looking for street names when they are going to a particular destination. As they browse, they will find the typical posh coffee shops, English cafés (some pronounce the French word properly as in caf-fay whilst others say caffs) , a worldwide choice of restaurants… Gyms everywhere, betting shops, art galleries, museums, the famous red buses, tourist attractions & so much more…
In this article, we’re going to explore the ‘so much more’ part, the rude, sexual street names…
So let’s take a tour…
London’s Street names:
Back Passage, EC1 — This is probably the least offensive or vulgar street name. It’s found in East London. This name is commonly associated with a derriere (French word for behind aka butt).
Balls Pond Road — located in North London but not that far from the East Central part (EC1). What on earth were they doing? Or thinking? Or was this area part of a golf course? But why would anyone put any balls in a pond? It seems that the balls would get wet or is this what they were insinuating?
Cock Lane, EC1 — another East London name. Why is there a lane called Cock? Is this what people go there for?
Cock Pond, Clapham Common — Great you’ve come this far, literally the other end of the pond to South London. I just can’t figure out if they’re competing with Balls Pond Road or Cock Lane? Or did this come first?
Honestly there must’ve been a lot of dickheads around in those days.
Cold Blow Lane, New Cross — so we’re still in South London. Now as the weather can be bitterly cold in London, why would someone be so desperate to get a blow? Is it not obvious this would be a cold blow on the streets of London?
Who were these freaks who named these streets?
Cumming Street, N1 — come on? Another street where people are getting frisky?
This is located in North London, known for the posh, modern buildings and city life. I wonder if there were any ‘office parties’ on this street? You know posh people like to do things behind closed doors.
Hoe street — this one can be found in East London. Imagine the embarrassment of filling out forms, ordering takeaways or taxis.
Man: Can I order a cab please?
Woman: What’s your address?
Man: It’s no. 2, Hoe…
Woman: What did you call me?
Man: No, no, you’ve misunderstood, my address is no. 2 Hoe street.
Hookers Road, E17 — Oh East London when will you stop? If Hoe wasn’t enough, they’ve also shoved hookers there too. Was this for your American cousins to understand?
Bonus:
Here are some other saucy street names; Laycock street in North London, Penistone Road in East London, Swallow Street in West London & Upper Butts also in the West.
Cockfosters — located in the far end of North London. This is an actual area, it far extends one street. Anyone who has taken the Piccadilly line on the London underground would have heard this announcement:
Piccadilly line to Cockfosters. (imagine the voice of Siri with a British accent).
Now I know there’s a beer called Cockfosters, is that what they drink there? Honestly why this name? Why oh why?
Final Thoughts
It appears that East and North London may have had the most freakiest people working there or perhaps the meanings of these words have changed since they were used. For example, Hoe street came into existence in 1969 or sorry I mean 1967!
Did you know: Houses prices in London are an average of nearly half a million. Imagine being an estate agent and having to sell a property on one of these roads? Who the heck would invest that amount of money or live on one of these streets? I don’t even want to think about someone saying they work on any of these!
Thanks for reading!
If you enjoyed learning something different about London, be sure to check out some of my other witty articles (last one by Isaiah Bhambra):
