Miscarriage, how do you cope?

Losing a baby at any stage is a heartbreaking event which sadly many go through.

Some choose to stay silent and deal with it alone.

Others may feel misunderstood by loved ones and many wonder why it has happened to them, often with no helpful answers.

Statistically 15% of women will lose a baby during pregnancy (in particular up to 12 weeks of pregnancy).

This unfortunately means some women you may know have been through this; family members, friends or colleagues.

How do you cope if you lose a baby?

There are many ways for both women and men to cope to move to a place where they can feel more uplifted and not feel locked in a place of grief.

Here are some which you can try:

• Talk to someone you trust
• Get counselling
• Write
• Do something in remembrance
• Mediate & release negative energy

Talk to someone you trust

Talking about your experience will help you heal. It will aid you to get your hurt out and not feel alone.

You may find that those you know may shed light on going through a similar experience e.g. miscarriage, missed miscarriage, death of a child.

Don’t be ashamed or afraid to express your grief whether it is through tears or not.

Feeling numb is also part of the process. You may not know how you feel, you may need time to explore how you feel.

Talking to someone you trust is crucial as it not only helps to support you through your loss but ensures you don’t keep it shut inside which can be unhealthy and inevitably keep you trapped in a painful stage.

Get counselling

Counselling is another option you can take to talk about your experience and pain. The counsellor is there to give you the opportunity to explore your thoughts & feelings as well as discover methods to ensure that you overcome this in a healthy way and in a safe environment.

Overcoming is by no means a way of forgetting or not caring.

Counselling comes in many forms, it may be one to one/group sessions or it may be online/on the phone with an expert.

For those who may feel more comfortable remaining anonymous, a great app where you can get expert advice is Flo.

They have topics on childloss and secret chats where many anonymously share their experiences, coping methods & offer advice. You are not alone.

Write

Writing is a form of documenting how you feel. It may be a diary, a poem, an article, a letter, a song, a message to others…

It helps you get out painful, honest thoughts & when you read it back in the future, you will see how you have overcome your grief or whether you are still experiencing the same stages.

This is important as life is a journey and if we remain in a state of pain, it isn’t healthy for us.

That being said, there is no time limit to grief. No one can tell you how to feel or how long it should or will take.

Remember if you feel better/more positive this doesn’t mean that you do not care or that what you’ve experienced doesn’t impact you any more.

Do something in remembrance

Doing something in remembrance like having a special place with flowers/candles/a teddy bear etc. can help individuals have a space where they can reflect.

Some people make things such as special jewellery/artwork/pottery to symbolize their loss.

You can get many ideas on sites such as Pinterest for memorial crafts.

There are companies that create these symbolic items such as Etsy.

Meditate & release negative energy

Mediation is a method to relax, to destress and uplift you.

It’s vital to look after yourself and have time to uplift your energy.

Daily meditation will improve your mind & overall health.

Releasing negative energy such as guilt (which some feel) is SO essential. Guilt can come hand in hand with grief but a miscarriage is not your fault. Do not blame yourself, this is not going to do you any good.

As mentioned, as devastating as it is and even though it doesn’t take away your loss, it happens to many women.

Release your mind, set yourself free from negativity, dwelling in negative thoughts can lead to depression, fear, anxiety…

Supporting someone who has had a miscarriage

If you are supporting someone who has experienced child loss, remember everyone deals with loss in different ways.

Show them that you care and will be a lending ear/shoulder to lean on and if they do not wish to discuss it, understand that too.

Check in on them to remind them they are not alone.

To those who have experienced child loss, it takes time to heal.

There is light at the end of the dark tunnel and you can get through.

May you be comforted in this difficult time and please feel free to share any ways you find that have helped you.

💜